Archives for posts with tag: buddhism

I really didn’t want to go to the gym, again. My movement had been restricted for the last 5 weeks and I’d had more than my share of elliptical and stair step workouts. I decided to go home and roll out my yoga mat. It felt a bit like that scene in Eat Pray Love, where she rolls out her mat and just gives it a good stare down, wondering ‘what exactly are you going to put me through.’

Nonetheless, I folded into child’s pose. I began to move, honoring what my body was telling me and noticing all of the shapes and poses I couldn’t quite perform to my ‘norm’. I remind myself “healing takes time Sara, just keep moving.”

As I arrived in crescent lunge I went to lift my arms over my head and discovered how much work it takes to simply lift my arms. The tears began to fall.

The truth is, I had taken for granted, after healing from snowboard injuries, half marathon training, 2 natural child births of particularly large babies and several other small burdens, that I would ever need to heal again. I was sad for the version of me I was having to let go of, and I was anxious and overwhelmed not knowing who I would next become.

I continued through my modified flow, reverse warrior (no arm lift), extended side angle (my legs burning), the smarter version of me inside my head chose to skip the modified chaturunga- upward dog- downward dog, as I was terrified of laying on my stomach. I performed several rounds of the poses and the tears began to dry up. As I closed my practice in a meditation for peace, I was left with the residue of a thought… ‘Here I am again, healing, modifying, doing my best to say sane and to not be too hard on myself, as I respect the time it will take my body to HEAL.’

How many of us have forgotten that a few of the many gifts offered by a yoga practice are presence and healing. Sure we get to our mat because it’s part of our routine, we enjoy the exercise and even the community. But how many of us have forgotten the safe haven that yoga provides when we just need to heal. I believe at this point in my practice I need more than two hands to count the number of times my mat has caught my tears, and done so without any judgement or explanation necessary.  In that healing process we receive the reminder that our bodies are impermanent, our physical strength and flexibility are  fluid to our circumstance. We are reintroduced to the concepts of self- compassion and empathy.  And if ever there was a time when we could see into another person’s eyes and relate or connect with their pain and suffering, it’s when we can recall our own time of healing.  Let us not forget these precious gifts.

 

 

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Perpetual laundry…

Nursing every 3 hours…

I don’t even remember what our kitchen counter looks like…

And a house so full of love and delight that I can’t even explain it.

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One of my biggest ah-ha moments as a mom was when I realized- for myself- that love grows exponentially.

‘Love’ seems to be one of those buzz words lately. ‘If we just LOVE each other…’ or ‘Love is the answer’. But to be honest with you I thought this was all kind of cheesy. Now if you read my blog then you’ve probably realized I teach yoga and practice buddhist meditation- so I understand all about love and compassion. But I have felt like there was an inauthenticity in the way some people used this expression ‘LOVE’.

I remember when I was towards the end of my first pregnancy, I was driving on the highway, jamming to ‘Black and Gold’ by Sam Sparro. I got really teary thinking that I wasn’t sure how I was going to love this baby because what I did was love my husband. Thats who I was, I was his wife and we loved each other, how was I going to have enough love for them both. Now I know what you’re thinking: this seems like I felt love was a scarce commodity- but it was how I felt. A few weeks go by and the nurse hands me my firstborn- and in that moment I understood how love works.

There are, in my recent experience, no limitations and no boundaries on love. Yet we all define it and experience it differently. My becoming a mother allowed my love to become bound-less. I have been able to love more people more freely, more compassionately because my kiddos have shown me how to love- MY WAY. Love grows and multiplies at astonishing rates. The trick is that we have to be open to the timing and the possibilities. It won’t do us any good to adopt another persons version of love. I would even say that doing this can lead us down a very unfulfilled and potentially self-destructive road.

So stay your course, look for YOUR love in all the unexpected places. Let it make you hurt and let it make you cry. Question it and doubt it.  And on the other side, if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to say that you LOVED in your own way as hard as you could… and the dishes will eventually get clean. The good news is that dishes don’t matter so much when you are full of LOVE.