Well, I hit rock bottom.

Even though crying on my run seemed to give me the strength and energy I needed to make the whole 30 minutes, it was a wake up call.

I’ve always been an able bodied person. This post-baby body is really holding me back. I have aspirations you know.  Last summer I ran my first half marathon. My goal was to finish- and so I made sure I could by training and preparing. I set the same goal for myself this summer, but now I’m realizing I don’t think I can.

So whats the best way to handle this? Of course its difficult to accept a reality that is different than what you want, but then I guess its not a reality. That 30 minutes that I ran last weekend made me recognize that I’ve put so much pressure on myself to be ready for this race that I have lost sight of what me and my body truly need right now- time, patience, compassion.

So yes- I did cry. I cried because I’ve never had to tell myself ‘you can’t do it’. But I’m gradually starting to feel better about accepting this because the pressure is gone. Instead I need to be focused on health- mental and emotional as well as physical, which is not the path I was headed down with a goal of half marathon in August. Thats not to say that its the same for everyone, but there is something liberating about accepting where we are. In yoga and in buddhism its called ‘Santosha’, a very sweet word meaning ‘contentment’.