My little one went down for his nap today and I decided to roll out my yoga mat. After what was a mediocre home practice I lay for a few moments in Savasana. Recognizing that my mind was racing I sat up, changed the song on my iTunes and tried a mantra meditation. I tried to steady my intention: “Remove my obstacles, release me from suffering, free me from ego, help me find clarity.” Things were going quite well until my phone rang.

My initial reaction was to jump up and get the phone. ‘It could very well be the resolution to the quandary thats making my mind race anyway.  Or it could be my husband, maybe he’s going to pick up lunch and needs to know what my order is.’  I was able to recognize this haste and remind myself that the whole point of meditation is focus, presence, breath. I sat still, listening to the buzz from my vibrating phone as it transitioned from ring, to voicemail, to another ring. I noticed the temperature of my face get warmer, my breath got more shallow and before I knew it the little voice in my head was taking over the steadiness I had created through my mantra.

‘Oh man, what if that is the person who really needs to get a hold of me to finalize this open ended part of my life that is driving me bonkers right now!’ I couldn’t take it. I jumped up and checked my phone- after all I didn’t want to not be able to eat lunch if in fact it was Micah. And it was, I got my lunch order in just in time, and realized the battle I had actually lost.

I have gotten so accustomed to an instant response. No lag time between events, call when needed and answer when called is the status quo. I was unaware of how attached I have become to the ability to make things happen NOW. So much so that I was willing to give up experiencing NOW through breath and mantra. Though I did run back to my mat to finish my meditation, ‘namaste’ as I bowed, perhaps my next step in meditation is to leave the phone in the other room.